There’s a war going on for our souls. Without the weapons God provides, we cannot overcome. We cannot win this war without God.

In the darkest decades of my life, Christ revealed Himself to me in ways I did not recognize at the time. Lost in addiction and despair, my soul was filled with unrest. I could not exist, or so I believed, without the physical escape alcohol provided me. I drank to blackout to silence the demons inside me. And they were demons, I know that. I know, because I felt their endless darkness.

During those years I experienced nightmares so real they paralyzed me. I felt evil surrounding me. It was as tangible as the air in my lungs. It pulled at me and I was overcome by it. Unaware, I’d cry out in my sleep. In the beginning, my husband would shake me awake. After a while, he’d simply check on me. He understood there was nothing he could do for me but pray for the deliverance of my soul.

Evil entered not because God had abandoned me, but because I’d opened the door for it to gain a foothold within me. Once there, it proliferated through lies, deception, and temptation. Those are the tools of the enemy and he wields them with purpose.

Satan thwarts salvation. He wants us to sin, to continue to stray from God’s purpose and His promise.

Awakening to the darkness again and again, I was terrified and utterly defenseless. The forces of darkness wanted me and they were relentless in their pursuit, preying on my weakened body and vulnerable spirit.

When I’d awaken, overcome by them, I’d cling to the prayers I’d recited so many times throughout my childhood. I prayed the rosary and recited every prayer I’d ever learned. I rebuked the darkness in the name of Jesus, begging for the very salvation I’d turn from in the bright light of day. Each time, Jesus rescued me. Each time, He removed me from Satan’s reach.

In the silence that followed, I’d lay there, shaking and overcome, afraid to go back to sleep. The darkness, showed me that I’d never win the war without God’s help. In the light of day, however, my choices failed to cultivate the seeds of faith planted in the dark.

God never turns His back on us.

I continued down the path of destruction I knew so well. Even so, God never turned His back on me. Every time I cried out, He came. He rescued me again and again. He is a God of purpose and of promise. That’s who He is and He fights for us until the very end. He provides the pathway out of the darkness, but we have to choose to walk it.

My journey out of the darkness was the hardest of my life. So much doubt and shame covered me, that for the longest time, I believed I was unworthy of salvation. That’s the lie evil tells us is truth. It’s the lie that keeps us locked in despair, in addiction, in destruction. More than that, it’s the lie that keeps us chained to the darkness. But, God calls us to put our trust and our faith in Him, “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you,” Luke | 10:19.

Without faith we cannot overcome.

During all my years of struggle, I believed in Jesus, but I did not rely on my faith. Instead I lived fully in the world and turned my back on faith. In my arrogance, I opened myself to the consequences that always come when we run ahead of God, believing, so wrongly, that we’re in control.

I controlled nothing. Instead, I sank deeper into hell. The cycle was a viscous one. Poor choices led to more shame which led to more drinking and more nightmares. I’d existed in that state for so long that I truly believed I’d never be free from it.

Ironically, looking back now, I can plainly see the door to salvation that had stood wide open and beckoning right in front of me. It took falling so completely into the darkness before I acknowledged the light that door was offering. The second I did everything changed.

I took my first step of faith in surrender.

God was right there. I recognized Him, knew Him. He’d stood with me in the darkness and waited patiently for me to simply acknowledge that He was there. Every step toward Him opened my eyes, my heart, and my being to His presence within me. Through His mercy and grace, my faith grew stronger. As my faith grew, so did my desire to stand firm in the power of HIS might, and not take courage in my own strength.

Surrender is the key to salvation. Faith is the pathway. And knowing the truth is the shield of protection that envelops us. Evil has no power over us because God is fighting for us. It’s through God’s power alone, moving within us, protecting and strengthening us that we are able to OVERCOME Ephesians | 6: 10-24).

Walk in God’s might, He’ll give you the power.

My Prayer

Lord, thank You for Your sacrifice on my behalf. Thank You for loving me so much, that You died for my sins and rose again so that I may have everlasting life. Thank You for carrying me out of the darkness and placing me firmly on the path to an eternity with You.

In my moments of doubt, You are there. When my heart is hurting, You are there. In times of joy, You are there. You never forsake me. Rather, you call me by name and deliver me from myself. You have redeemed me and healed me from my afflictions. There is no evil, no power, not above the earth or below it, that can overcome the power of Your loving mercy and grace. Continue to strengthen me Lord. Fulfill in me Your purpose and grant me eyes to see, ears to hear, and courage to follow You in all things. For it is through You, with You, and in You only that I have overcome. Amen.

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JN Fenwick, (© 2024)