Lent brings me into a season of reflection. I look back and see so clearly where I went wrong. But only because God met me in the storm and rescued me from myself.
I was raised Catholic. For the first 9 years of my education, I attended Catholic school. Mass was part of that education, especially during Lent.
I was so used to the words and recited prayers that they passed my lips without much thought. They were spoken, but rarely resonated. I attended because I was required to.
Still, a foundation was being built. One I wouldn’t fully understand or appreciate until years later.
God’s Word stands even when we do not.
Time has a way of shaping us, though we don’t always see it.
My journey is no different. As I grew, the distance between my Catholic roots and my circumstances also grew. I suffered greatly during that time. Not because God had abandoned me, but because I turned from Him.
Things I once held sacred were lost as I battled alcoholism, an eating disorder, and my own selfish desires. Instead of finding shelter in God’s word, I ran from it. I wanted what I wanted, and God’s word told me I could not.
No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.
MATTHEW 6:24
However, just because I chose not to listen didn’t mean God’s word had failed. It only meant that I’d failed Him. For God’s word stands even when we do not.
Lent is a time for reflection.
Lent brings me into a season of reflection. I look back and see so clearly where I went wrong. But only because God met me in the storm and rescued me from myself.
He never lost faith in me, though my faith wavered.
For me, almost a decade into recovery, Lent is a reminder of the sacrifice Christ made for me. A sinner. Unworthy of His grace, but so grateful it was there when I finally reached for it.
The price Jesus paid for my redemption was high.
He gave everything, all He was and all He had, for me. He showed me the meaning of sacrifice, of putting others before myself, of forgiveness and compassion, and most of all love.
Through His sacrifice, Jesus showed me that God is love. That God did not abandon His creation, but instead gave His only Son so that I might be saved. The full extent of God’s love was revealed when Jesus gave His life on the cross for me. There is no greater love.
It’s through that love that I’m saved. For me, that love is real and tangible. When I finally looked up, God was there to welcome me. His love was waiting, abiding, unconditional, and true.
I understand now that I’m worthy of that love when I die to myself and allow God’s mercy to fully clothe and direct me.
What does Lent mean to you?
That’s why I ask, what does Lent mean to you? Not because I know the answer, but because I feel called to ask. In the asking, I’m drawn to consider my own life and Christ’s journey to the cross.
It’s an opportunity to reflect and ask, “Do my choices and behaviors honor Christ? ”
Am I living a life worthy of Jesus’ sacrifice?
Because, in the long run, Jesus’ death and resurrection opened the door to salvation for all of us, but it’s up to us to walk through it. We bear responsibility for our redemption.
As I reflect, I see the areas in my life that need work. The areas that cause me to falter and stumble. The things I need to pray about and surrender to God. That’s what reflection is. And it’s necessary. Because we are very human and very much in this world. We are susceptible to the pitfalls it contains and the suffering it creates.
However, we’re not alone on this journey. Jesus showed us that obedience to God leads to healing and peace.
Christ’s entire life, ministry, death, and resurrection were God’s plan for us. So that we’d know Him, love Him, and one day return to Him. Jesus is the way to God. His willing obedience to His Father’s command ensures the gift of salvation for all who believe.
Jesus’ love for God made Him obedient to God; obedient even unto death.
We demonstrate our love for God through obedience, too. Jesus said, “If you love me, you will obey what I command,” John 14:15.
Following Christ’s example, we’re called to submit ourselves fully to the will of God for no other reason than that we love Him. Faith born of love is how we honor God. It’s also how we demonstrate Christ’s unconditional love to others.
Jesus’ love has the power to transform us.
Christ’s love is powerful because it imbues us with His character, frees us from sin, and grants us victory over anything that would separate us from God.
Jesus’ love compelled Him to die for us. It must compel us to turn from sin and no longer live for ourselves. Instead, we must strive to live lives worthy of His sacrifice, love one another as He commanded, and give our all for the gift of salvation He willingly secured for us.
Reconciled
In prayerful worship, LORD,
I contemplate Your ways.
Singing of Your GLORY,
and GOODNESS all my days.
You lifted me from darkness,
carried the burden of my sins,
all the way to CALVARY,
so I could LIVE again.
You granted me Your MERCY,
When I had lost my way.
Welcomed me with open arms,
covered me with GRACE.
Though I am undeserving,
You did not turn from me.
Instead, You paid the highest price
to ensure that I am FREE.
Freed from my afflictions,
held safe in Your embrace.
Free to follow where You lead.
You prepared for me a place,
beside You in Your KINGDOM,
where darkness cannot reach.
Sent Your Holy Spirit
to guide me when I’m weak.
When the storm raged all around me,
You reached out Your loving hand
to pull me from the waters.
Gave me the STRENGTH to stand.
There is no higher PURPOSE
than the one I have in You.
Nothing can separate me from
the shelter of Your TRUTH.
In prayerful adoration,
I honor Your SACRIFICE.
Knowing that in You alone,
I walk in PEACE and LIGHT.
JN Fenwick (©2026)
JN Fenwick (©2026) | mothjournal14 | All rights reserved. | I DO NOT WALK THIS RECOVERY JOURNEY ALONE.
I’m JN Fenwick.
Wife, mom, but more importantly, a recovering alcoholic with a grateful heart. For years, I struggled, not just with alcohol, but with an eating disorder and the burdens of guilt and shame. On March 22, 2018, I surrendered my life to Christ. I was 51. God did not forsake me. He welcomed me, as undeserving as I am. He did not see my brokenness. Instead, He saw my potential. My Recovery Journey is one of Faith. From the ashes of my failures, God built a fire in me. A fire that guides each step I take. My journey is yours. My healing can be yours, too. God is a mighty warrior. You can take comfort in the promise that the Lord will fight for you and grant you peace.
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