Blaming others, situations, and circumstances for our choices is easier. But, in reality, the road we’re on is our own asphalt.

I came across this meme the other day. It made me laugh. It also made me think. 

Specifically, it brought to mind all the years I suffered and how I shied away from taking responsibility for my choices. That’s part of the cycle of addiction. To continue my bad behaviors, I had to have a reason: someone and something to blame other than myself.

The moment I finally got it, everything changed.

Got what? The truth. Sure, I’ve experienced pain and have been hurt by others. We all have. But the truth is, no one is responsible for my choices, and consequently my happiness, but me. 

I chose alcohol over facing myself. I chose anorexia over accepting myself. Those were my choices. No one else’s. 

The destructive road I was on was my asphalt. 

To change direction, I had to change my perspective. 

I’ve said it before, many times, surrender was the key that unlocked the door. The door to self-discovery. And the door to peace.

Surrender opened the door, but I had to walk through it. That was the hard part. Once I walked through, I could no longer hold onto my excuses. I could no longer feed my anger, resentment, and pain. 

Instead, I had to accept them. Accept that I could not change the past. Acknowledge my weaknesses and tap into the strength that surrender provides to overcome them. 

In short, I had to accept and own that the road I’d been on for so long was my own asphalt. I’d chosen it. Whether it was consciously or unconsciously, I’d willingly traveled it. 

Changing my perspective wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.

There’s no way around it. Facing myself was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Harder than giving birth to my children. Harder than losing my parents and my best friend. 

Facing myself meant facing all the ugly and all the darkness within me. And there was a lot of it. I was buried so deeply beneath the layers I no longer knew who I was, let alone how to wade through it all. 

I wasn’t alone on this journey, though. Once I fully surrendered, the power and healing of the Holy Spirit showed there was still light in my darkness. God provided the way. 

Each step I took brought me closer to peace. Each layer I relinquished revealed the woman God created me to be. It was both a revelation and a miracle.

After three decades of suffering, I was liberated. By the grace of God, I was delivered.

I’ve been on this recovery journey for almost eight years now, and every day I learn something new.

God continues to walk beside me. He continues to lift and strengthen me. Above all, He continues to love me.

In His love, I know the truth like I’ve never known it before. All those years I lived in darkness and despair were my choice. The destructive behaviors I repeated time and time again were my choice as well. 

Letting go of blame meant letting go of my excuses. It meant I had to own my asphalt. Acknowledge it, accept it, and then choose a different course. 

Today, like yesterday, I choose recovery. I choose forgiveness and acceptance. I choose faith over fear. And I choose peace. 

The road I’m on now is my own asphalt, and I’m proud to claim it. Grateful to be walking it. Aware every step of the way, how very fortunate I am. 

We all have a choice. 

I pray for those drowning in the sea of addiction and despair that you allow the light of Christ to reveal the path to peace. And that you lean on Him for the courage and the strength to walk it. I pray that you love yourself enough to choose faith over fear, forgiveness over resentment, acceptance over resistance, and above all, surrender over suffering. 

Amen.

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