THE THRONE OF GRACE

True freedom is found at the Throne of Grace. There’s no need God cannot fulfill. No sin is unworthy of forgiveness. No battle God cannot win.

It was dark in the hospital room. I was alone and afraid. For decades, I’d sought escape in the bottle and perfection in the eating disorder I’d battled since I was 19. But this night was different. This night, I approached the throne of grace.

As I lay in the darkness, removed from all I’d known, my soul thirsted, not for the numbness I’d always found in alcohol, but for freedom. 

I longed for peace. Unworthy, filled with shame, and weak in body, I lifted my eyes to Heaven. I invited the LORD into my struggles. 

For the first time in nearly thirty years, I begged God to enter. He was there. He came gently but powerfully into my heart. I felt His presence. Warm, comforting, and so very real.

That night changed everything. 

Time stood still. I felt my heart beating in my chest. Felt the breath of life enter and leave my body. Felt my soul welcome His presence. 

I was not alone. God was there. Right where He’d always been. Patiently waiting for me to seek Him.

What came after was a miracle born of God’s love. With His grace covering me, the chains of my affliction snapped, and I tasted freedom for the first time.

My recovery journey began that night, eight years ago.

Every step I’ve taken since has been marked by faith. 

There is no need God cannot fulfill. No sin is unworthy of forgiveness. No battle God cannot win. I know this with a certainty born of His great love for us. The children of His heart, created in His image. Chosen and beloved above all of creation.

At the throne of grace, I was saved. 

At the foot of the cross, I was forgiven. 

The moment I accepted Christ into my heart, I was freed.

If you are struggling with fear and doubt, consumed by the darkness of addiction of any kind, turn your eyes and heart to the throne of God’s grace. For that is where true freedom is found. 

I know. I’ve experienced the miracle of healing and KNOW that with God, all things are possible. 

My Prayer

LORD, thank you for the freedom You have granted me. For meeting me in the darkness and accepting me as I am. Thank you for taking my burdens and opening the door to salvation, though I am not worthy. You see into my heart and love me anyway. Your mercy and kindness are an ever-present refuge. At the throne of grace, You met me. You lifted my eyes and showed me the pathway to peace. Through Your Son’s sacrifice, You washed me clean. You healed my afflictions and offered me New Life in You, a life of unconditional acceptance. A sanctuary in times of trouble and a wholeness only found in You. Continue to guide me, LORD, on this journey. Increase my faith and trust in You. Strengthen my heart to Your will so that all that I am reflects all that You are this day and forevermore. AMEN.

The Throne of Grace

The moment I approached,

The THRONE of GOD’S GRACE,

He met me in the darkness,

and lifted my face.

He shouldered the burden,

of my shame and my sin,

asked me to place,

all my worries on Him.

Wrapped me in His MERCY,

led me to SALVATION.

Opened the doorway,

to the LIGHT of His KINGDOM.

All that I was,

He washed clean in the flood,

of GRACE and FORGIVENESS 

with unfailing LOVE.

The chains that had held me,

so long in their grip,

fell away in the moment,

I SURRENDERED to Him.

The moment I approached,

The THRONE of His GRACE,

My past disappeared,

leaving no trace.

In the well of His KINDNESS,

He washed my soul clean,

accepted me fully,

just as I am.

“Let go of your struggles,”

He said, “Now you’re FREE.

Take up your CROSS,

and come follow Me.”

JN Fenwick (©2026)

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JN Fenwick | mothjournal14 | ©2026 | All rights reserved. | I DO NOT WALK THIS RECOVERY JOURNEY ALONE.

I’m JN Fenwick

Wife, mom, but more importantly, a recovering alcoholic with a grateful heart. For years, I struggled, not just with alcohol, but with an eating disorder and the burdens of guilt and shame. On March 22, 2018, I surrendered my life to Christ. I was 51. God did not forsake me. He welcomed me, as undeserving as I am. He did not see my brokenness. Instead, He saw my potential. My Recovery Journey is one of Faith. From the ashes of my failures, God built a fire in me. A fire that guides each step I take. My journey is yours. My healing can be yours, too. God is a mighty warrior. You can take comfort in the promise that the Lord will fight for you and grant you peace.