Almost six years into my recovery journey I’ve come to realize that it’s only by the grace of God I’ve made it this far. My spirit rests safe in the arms of Jesus.

In March of 2018 I entered the Orlando Recovery Center at the behest of my family. Uncertain if I had the strength to overcome the battle I’d been waging for the better part of three decades, I was terrified that this would be my last chance.

I wanted to succeed, I just didn’t know if I had it in me. For years I’d struggled. The shame and guilt I carried was overwhelming.

Weakened by years of alcoholism and an eating disorder, I couldn’t fathom that peace would ever find me. I’d wasted so many chances. Continually dragged back into the darkness no matter how willing in spirit I was. Physically I was beaten down. Mentally, the nagging voices in my mind always won. I was sure this time would be no different.

I had so much to lose, including my life. Yet, I still doubted that freedom from this self-induced prison was attainable.

As I sit here now, I have to wonder what changed. The only answer that comes is the power of the Holy Spirit and the grace of God.

From the onset, I placed myself in the arms of Jesus.

I let Jesus take the wheel. I surrendered everything. As it turns out, that was the beginning of the end of my torment. I cannot explain it any better than that.

My transformation was immediate. The cover of darkness I’d existed in lifted immediately and the light of truth enveloped me.

The road to healing was a long and arduous one. I had to face myself and accept responsibility for all my poor choices. Coming face to face with my demons was the hardest, but also the most necessary thing I’ve ever done.

What lay behind me was a path of so much destruction I doubted I’d ever be able to rise above it. But that’s where faith came in.

Now Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things unseen, Hebrews 11:1.

Safe in the arms of Jesus I found peace and the strength I needed to stay the course. Allowing Jesus full reign over my body, mind, and spirit, I received the courage and humility I needed to withstand the coming storm. And it was a storm.

Relinquishing all the lies and all the turmoil into His capable hands, I was renewed daily. My conviction grew stronger. I physically flourished. Jesus fed my spirit as I learned to feed and nurture my body.

Each day I was rewarded with a lessening of the burdens I carried. The seeds of hope He planted within my soul took root and grew.

Today those seeds are a mighty forest. They continue to grow. Feeding my conviction and strengthening my resolve.

The mountain that once seemed insurmountable is now but a small bump in the road. The prison I’d isolated myself within has disintegrated. Freedom and peace live within me as they never have before.

Through Christ I have tasted forgiveness. Relationships, once brittle, have been restored. Doubt, once so prevalent within me, has given way to true conviction and wisdom hard won but life changing.

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free, John 8:32.

All the lies I once believed in fell apart when faced with the light of truth. I wasn’t unworthy or beyond salvation. I wasn’t irrevocably lost.

As a child of God, I wasn’t beyond redemption. Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross and resurrection assured me that the kingdom of Heaven was real and open to me just as it is to every soul that seeks it.

Safe in the arms of Jesus I experienced peace. I continue to experience it every day. So much so, that no matter what trials and tribulations I face, I know with certainty He is beside me in all things. That is where peace comes from. In knowing Jesus walks with me. In Him, and only in Him, is freedom from this world and all its troubles attainable.

My security, trust, and reliance on God stands between me and utter darkness. It always has.

It has taken me a lifetime to reach this place. A lifetime of disappointment and disillusionment. A lifetime of self-inflicted suffering. Years of abuse and projecting that pain onto others. Decades of hiding behind a mask of shame and drowning my soul in a bottle of despair.

The second I surrendered was the second I truly began to live. But it hasn’t been just any life. It’s the life I was ordained at birth to live. A life I have come to understand is only possible as long as I remain safe in the arms of Jesus.

Faith changed my perspective.

I’m no longer bound to the finite understanding of this life. Instead, I’ve tapped into the infinite well of grace and insight only faith in God provides.

Safe in the arms of Jesus I experience saving faith and the eternal life inseparably connected to it.

JN Fenwick (© 2023) | mothjournal14 | Images from Shutterstock | Licensed for use | Music : Green Fjord Shores from the Royalty Free Soundtrack Library, Vol. 2

Safe in the arms of Jesus,
my turmoil slipped away.
Surrounded by His grace and love,
I found the strength to pray.
The first words I quietly uttered,
“Please take this hurt from me,
I am too bruised and battered, Lord,
to set my own soul free.”
Safe in the arms of Jesus,
He took my guilt and shame,
and planted in their place salvation,
purchased in His name.
Safe in the arms of Jesus,
His presence led the way,
vanquishing the darkness,
summoning the light of day.
Following in His footsteps,
the chains long binding me,
we’re broken by the power of,
His sacrifice and strength.
Safe in the arms of Jesus,
I left my cage behind,
and walked into the valley,
of love and peace divine.
There the once dark shadows,
that had long enveloped me,
departed as the light of truth,
rose up to set me free.
Safe in the arms of Jesus,
by the power of His name,
I left that valley whole and free,
my life forever changed.
JN Fenwick (© 2023) | mothjournal14

For those struggling in the darkness of addiction and doubt, I pray that the light of truth, the conviction of faith, and the power of surrender take root in your souls. I pray you know the freedom and peace that only comes by willingly and wholly relinquishing your entire being to God. And that just as I have been granted healing grace, you too find forgiveness and respite safe in the arms of Jesus. Amen.

© 2023

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